Day 6

I am guessing that anyone who has looked at this blog will notice a massive time issue.  So what happened?  Well, I went on holiday.  It took a split second decision to drink when the air hostess came around with her trolley.  Mini bottles of wine were on offer and all of my internal dialogue disappeared and I just said yes.  A holiday would be a horrific thing to contemplate without a drink so I did - the whole holiday.  We went to America, where litre bottles of wine are unbelievably cheap.  It wasn't a massive leap off the wagon - but I was easily back to 2-3 bottles of beer or half a bottle of wine a night.  I guess I was rewarding myself, but looking back - why would I need to reward myself after a fab day with family.
Back home, I slipped very easily back into my old habits.  No weekday drinking became Wine Wednesday, then left over Monday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday.  Quickly, it became every night.  My thoughts were yet again consumed and I again felt angry with myself that I had gone backwards.

So, yet again - I begin again.

I have done more research this time - read recommended books, read blogs, looked out for alternative drinks in bars.  Have played future conversations in my head about how I was going to answer when asked the fatal question - 'what do you want to drink?'  My answer has to become second nature to me.  I am going to have to stand up to friends who think that I am being stupid not drinking and I am going to have to stand up for myself.  Self preservation.  And it begins properly tonight - my biggest challenge,  A night with my hardest drinking friends, one of which is my toughest critic on not drinking.  There has already been messages going backwards and forwards about who is taking what drinks, how bad the hangover will be tomorrow etc. My friend thinks I am being ridiculous, that I don't have a problem.  I can't help wonder whether she laments losing her drinking bud or whether she has started to look internally at her own drinking.  Harshly, I need to say that she is a lot worse than I have ever been.

Wish me luck